Aiming High

Setting the bar a bit high? Or a tad nuts?

Well I went back and forth, back and forth...cuz that what's you do when you go back and forth... ;-)

Science class, history class, or art, swap or no swap, add or no add, ugh.... And then bingo! I just said what the hell let's shoot for the moon.

I'm now going full speed throttle ahead despite the fact this newest advernture (my illness) has already added to the load. I am officially a full, full time student, once again. And I am sure... someone close that knows me will want to shoot me.....BIG TIME. And no not Capt Schitzy, he's oblivious.

I decided all that learning stuff was yes for me, for that miraculous piece of paper at the end of the magic rainbow that tells me I am qualified to do the stuff I already know. However, I needed something else and so that's what I signed up for. I am taking an art class, officially pushing me over the edge into full time status. I am going to use this class as my zen-ing out zone. I suppose I will see soon how that goes. Classes starts MONDAY!!!

Then I challenged myself with a fellow blogger about a bike ride or in my case a recumbent. This also starts Monday as I see my new PT. Who knew you inhouse therapy team could divorce you for seeing a lymphedema specialist team outside of the house. I swear somethings make no sense. And I had to wait over 3 weeks just to get set up with a new PT team.... I'll be requesting aqua therapy as soon as this wound on my thight finally heals and I want to see if we can train me to ride the recumbent bike. My hips, back, and upper legs are super weak.

The muscles that once were, are devastated from the rhabdomyolisis and polymyositis. Meaning what once was is now gone and what is left is full of holes like swiss cheese. I learned I won't ever get back the stuff that was stolen from me. It's dead, gone...finito.... and that makes me incredibly sad. For those that have known me here for some while, know that I was happy with my power house. That was what my lower body was, a power house. And now... it's gone. Taken from me, stolen. I've been told I can build upon the swiss cheese, but will never get back what once was. Worse still since the disease is still in the active stage and not in remission I am still losing it. It is still being taken from me while I am trying to fight keeping what I have left. This sucks... And it's bad enough it's my lower body, but it's my whole being that it's being taken from.. upper too. Like today I was feeling weak and just lifting a pill cutter off the table, felt like I was lifting a 5lb brick through my shoulders. It's incredibly stupid to have to admit that, but that's what this feels like. A pill cutter, a one ounce pill cutter, feeling like a 5lb brick.

And this makes me mad... all of this. Then to top it off, being rudely cut off of important therapy for my recovery, just because I needed an equally important therapy outside of the home and then having to wait 3 weeks to be seen in a new place. Three weeks, I have been way to patient, sitting on my tongue to much. Three weeks to be seen by a new team and they have no clue as to this illness. And I have to educate them on what little I understand and hope that they listen..... ughhh... ya not happy.  Three weeks, I haven't been idly waiting. No I have been making what progress on my own as I can. But still.. BS..... is BS!

Okay.... fuzz out....

I so mean to do this recumbent thing. I think it will be a good physical challenge for me. :)

And I will push forward and live to see my birthday in May.

See I got lots of things to keep me busy until May. Busy has to be good! It's better than the alternative!!

rah, rah, rah....fight, fight, FIGHT